#069 Marriage - Distance - Love - Wonderful

First post for this year, 

First post after I got married,

First post after being a wife,

First post after being a DIL,

First post after no-more-staying with my parents,

First post after I have a men to be and always LOVE in my life,

And, my 

First post during my pregnancy~

Lovely~

All I wanted to write on this post is just that,

I miss him, my husband so much~ 

When we finally get to be together, I'm not gonna let you go, why do we have to be so far away? T_T

Cameron Highands, 18 December 2012

Words fall short whenever I want to tell you how special you are to me,

but all I can say is, my world full of SMILES whenever I think of you.

Love from,
Malaysia to Saudi Arabia

Foot note : Love after marriage is such

a beautiful thing~

#068 Two Little words

Assalamualaikum,

Making mistakes is a part of life, but sumtimes saying you are sorry isnt just enough. While counting days and busy with the preparations, there's a conflicts between my fiance and I. It's not a big issue by the way, but still I felt guilty of making someone's heart uncomfortable 12 days before the day.

Sometimes actions tend to speak louder than words. I did this card for him the next morning knowing that he refuse to attend my call and replying my messages. Wahh, merajuk lettew! :p I worked my tail off to make it as special as it could possibly be. At the same time, the butterflies kicked into high gear as I looked back on the card I created myself and hardly thinking how am I to make sure that he will safely reach it.

15 November 2012

So I just hang this card at his house gate, hoping he will see it when he get out from his house. I run off quickly and get into my car before he saw me, and i drove like mad. Hahaha! The phone bips several hours later. It was him! ''Thank you for the lovely card. ILYSM'' What a relief I can say.

Oh Allah, make us love each other for Your sake. Guide us by Your favor among those whom You guided, and forgive us among those whom You have given, and be our Protector among those whom You have protected, and bless us in that You have given us, and save us and keep away from us any evil which You have decreed. Ammeenn Ya Rabb.

#067 Which Of Your Lord's Blessings Would You Deny?

Assalamualaikum wbt.

Hows everything going? Is everything okey? Alhamdulillah if everything went well, if not try to be patient. Selawath. We were sent to this world to be tested, so nobody are excepted from this test in their life, no one. 

Life in this world is given by Allah to us that He may test our Faith and see even though He already knows through His Divine knowledge, that who from among His slave acts according to His Will and Permission. 

Yet, in busy preparing and managing my wedding preparations, I admit I slipping myself to put Allah as my priority. I search Allah when I have problems, I find Him when things went wrong, I put up both of my hands together when I depressed, I mention His name when I have no one with me. Allahuakbar! Im being so self fish. I am. I forgot that humans were never destined to achieve eternity in this world, none from our elders got the leave to stay here forever and no one from us and the following generations can have this opportunity. Oh Allah, please forgive me.

What happened to me during these days was, people came over to my house, asking me how should they help me for the preparations, and I had manyyyyy things to be settled down before the wedding day! I really need help. I need to clean up the rooms, preparing for the hantarans, the door gifts, foods for the guests, my wedding dress etc etc and I'm reallyyyyy enjoying whatever things I do and trying to give the best for everyone. Yet after putting a lot of effort, people started complaining that the result turned out badly. They said that my dress is too simple, even theirs better than mine. My hand bouquet was'nt look beautiful, my hantarans was not pretty. Hearing that, every heart surely felt soo sad. Two weeks left and that's what I get from them. In stead of complaining, can you guys comes with the solution tho? My mind kinda stressed thinking of how to overcome those problems. Do I need to re-do all these things again? Which I have to spend money some more? What about the time left? Or, I am just too emotional in hearing what people said? 

I was'nt in the mood for quite few hours, lending on my bed, doing noting, staring on my wall, I closed my eyes, I opened it back, I whispered to my ear, ''maybe this is how Allah teaches me for what I have done''. Allah, please forgive me. I started to realized, that I have to be great full for what ever I have right now. Don't care what people say. It's end nowhere. I have parent who always support me on what ever I am doing. Knowing that I currently am not working, they don't even bother spending thousands of money for my wedding. Brothers who always there whenever I needed them, lovely sisters who always gives positives views and ideas on the wedding stuffs. ''Then Which Of Your Lord's Blessings Would You Deny, Maryam?''

A good believer is aware of the fact that life is a test and the difficulties he faces here are part of the test and that he will be graded according to his performance in that test, and all that he endures with patience and faith, will be a means of getting higher ranks and rewards in Hereafter. :)

Oh Allah, please make me a servant continuously remembered only for loving You. Ameen.

#066 My 2nd Big Day, People! ;)

Assalamualaikum wbt..

Fuhhh.. it's been soooo soooo long I have been letting my blog untouched. Pity you dear bloggy. I have no intention to leave you alone for quite some time as I always find to leave you with thousands of feelings that Ive gone through, thru out my life. But time too tight nowadays, seriously! And readers started asking me when that Im going to updatesss.. Sorry guys, I really wanted to!!! Sharing one another's stories will make the world better place, aite? Now, here we go! :D

Well, 10 October 2012 was my 2nd big day, it's my convocation day! Alhamdulillah, syukur padaMu Ya Allah atas kejayaan ini. Terima kasih yang tiada penghujungnya buat mama dan walid atas sokongan kalian sejak dari lahirnya akak ke dunia, sehingga hari ini. Mama lah especially, whenever rasa down sangat sangat kat campus, she always there for me. Always call tanya updates, kadang kadang sehari call sampai 10 kali just to make sure her daughter is really fine. Thak you Mama! Walid pun tak kurangnya, every week call tanya duit cukup tak, makan ape semua. Thank you sooo much! I learned to be grateful for every person in mylife. And after nelly 4 years bertungkus lumus dan bersusah payah, hasilnya ku terima hari itu. Suatu perasaan yang sukar tuk di gambarkan, gembira pun ada, sedih pun ada, rindu pun ada. Gembira tu mungkin sebab berjaya capai tahap ini, walaupun tak lah sehebat mana pun kalau nak di bandingkan dengan yang lain, namun alhamdulillah masih mampu mencapai 2nd Class Upper, persaingan sengit gak sebab majority semua pelajar cina. 

7 October 2012 lagi aku dah sampai UUM, see bertapa lah semangatnya I was that time! Nak kata boley gi rebut jubah on that very day, tak jugak, sebab course aku ni management dah fixed on Tuesday baru boley gi amik jubah, so datang awal2 tu memang keje show off muka kat junior2 r, nak bagitaw taiko Bukit Kachi dah turun padang! Haha~ So I took that opportunity distributing my wedding cards to the loved ones! Jemput hadir semua! Your presence is heaven to me, guys! Datang taw, really hope you guys to be there on that very day! ;)

9 October 2012, collect jubah day! So masa tu, besties aku dua orang tu pun dah selamat sampai bumi Sintok! Memang tak sabar sangat jumpe diorang, even cam kerap jugak jumpe kat KL, tapi still cam jakon n gayat gak bile jumpe kat UUM, feel die lain uolls, bila gi je tempat2 yang we used to go, like bustop, cafe, dewan kuliah, teringat lagi masa nak masuk class dulu, dah lah datang lambat, punye cuak kene blow off dengan lecturer, siap 'lat talilat tali tamplom' luar tu dulu, tengok sape yang kena masuk dulu..the memories datang balik, mula la rasa nak tergelak segala bagai. Seriously, zaman belajar zaman paling manis dalam hidup. Zaman tu lah nak involve macam macam persatuan, zaman tu lah nak copy paste assignment, zaman tu lah nak rebut rebut naik bus balik hostel, zaman tu lah nak ponteng class, zaman tu lah ko nak gaduh gaduh dengan roomate ko, zaman tu lah ko nak tido kat library sebab bajet dah study maut, zaman tu lah ko nak Huha Huha dengan member sampai lewat lewat malam gi karaoke segala bagai, asal ko tak buat keje tak senonoh and boleh jatuh kan air muka mak ayah ko sudah. So yes, that is the time. So appreciate masa masa kat campus, because it's only once in a life time!

 masa collect jubah, terserempak dengan Anies and Nadiya. Lovely!

So a day before my graduation day tu, we took a lot of pictures together. Ada dengan course mates and mostly with my besties and thats for sure. And agak terkilan jugak sebab tak sempat bergambar dengan otai otai blok F paras dua! Hari convo tak sama, and smorang rushing dengan plans masing masing. But it's okey, gathering nanti kite lepak sama yea! 

Oh yea, I think this time entry paling banyak gambar I upload. Sorry kalau ada yang tak comfyyy..

 With bakal pengantin, Nurul Yaqeen! :D

 With IB course mate! :)

 Besties!

Love you guys from the bottom of my heart, seriously!

And, these are the few pictures during the convocation day itself :) 

Haaa gambar atas ni plak, masa nak return jubah, and collect cert. Pehhh, masa ni memang sakit weyh nak tunggu turn! Dah la petang tu nak balik KL, suntuk sangat masa, makanan kat umah Usu plak dah sejuk tunggu kitorang, so ni lah hasilnya after kena tunggu about 1 hour before dapat return balik jubah! Haha~

Apape pun, alhamdulillah, semuanya berjalan dengan lancar. Tak lupa buat tunang yang always ada tuk support, and he was the 1st one to wish congrats setelah masuknya 10hb Oct tu, terharu! Balik KL plak dapat hadiah dari dia, a meaningful moments. Thank you, love! 

Semoga kejayaan yang dikecapi ini bermanfaat buat diri, keluarga dan masyarakat, insyaallah.

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Maryam Abdul Rahman

Bachelor of International Business with Honours.

Alhamdulillah, thank you, Allah.

Foot note : Sometimes in life,

 we just need someone who will be there for us,

someone who will listen,

someone who will understand,

that we're not perfect.

#065 I choose to Love you!

Assalamualaikum.

Have you ever thought of someone and then realized you were smiling the whole time? That's what happened  to me these few days. I can't help myself from stop thinking, recalling and rewinding all the beautiful moments happened for the past few weeks. And yes, Ive met him. For the very FIRST TIME after 8 months I got engaged.  In a such lovely moment. Thank you Allah for the gift. Alhamdulillah. 

Well, if people ask me how do I got to know him, I would say, ''it's kinda family arrangement, and of course his family ask for my agreement before anything''. Well, actually I have no intention to tell how do I know him in a very specific way. Rather choose to tell them after I got married. You may revealed the true story that time, In Sha Allah. Let's keep it secret for the moment! :D 

Well, he came back from Middle East 2 weeks before Hari Raya celebration. The 1st week he was busy with his working sumwhere in Senawang. And at the end of the week, thinking he couldnt be able to stay long here in Malaysia as he need to be back to his working place oversea, he registered himself for Kursus Pra Perkahwinan which was held at Pejabat Agama Islam Daerah Hulu Langat. And, that was the place where we first time met after 8 months got engaged without knowing and seeing each other. People who heard my journey of love before said that I am crazy for taking this path, loving and going to get marry with a stranger! Yet for me, this is the way that I ever dreamed to find the right one. I dont want to know him tooo much, its just that I wanna make it real fun in a halal way, In Sha Allah. Please make my wish come true ohh Allah.

So you can guess how did I felt seeing him for the first time. Sumpah nervous, gelabah biawak and what other words which describe me well to those who knew me well. Hehe! Iono how to describe, but what can I say, when I first met him, I knew in a moment that he is the right one that I want to be with. Ohh over tak? haha.. So a day before the kursus kawen day, he text me and asked what color that I'll be wearing. Purple I replied. When the day comes, tadaaa, we were both in purple! I felt soooo shy! Yelaaa, mana tak nya, semangat pakai warna sama, tapi tak pernah jumpe pun sebelum ni. And kena bahan jugak lah dengan akak dia. "Eh sama color ni, pakat ke?" I replied with a smile sambil curi curi pandang tunang! Hahaha~ And on second day we wore Grey! 

Semangat dengan sijil tu uollsss :p

Since he came back just for few weeks, we used our time wisely. Like settelkan pasal document2 kahwin, he went for his HIV test, barang2 hantaran. Alhamdulillah, things went well. 

He celebrated his 1st and 2nd Hari Raya with his family, and on the 3rd Raya he went back to Middle East for working. My heart kinda hard to let him go. Aduiaii. I created a card for him and letting the memories between us remain no matter how far we are apart. 

Each word written, has it own history. Simbolic. Meaning.

 Ze card changed hand at the airport at 1900hrs, 21 August 2012.I

I actually created a Raya card special for him, knowing that he couldnt be here in Malaysia during Raya at first. I posted to him, and it reached at his hand once he went back after raya. A simple and sweet thought for you, telling that you are not forgotten! Keep it safe yea! 

Currently, I am busy preparing my wedding stuffs, many things are still pending! Short time left, and hope that I can cope everything the best I can. May Allah ease everything for me, for us. In Sha Allah. To all the readers, please keep us in your prayers, Allah bless!

#064 Alhamdulillah :)

Assalamualikum wbt.

Selawat dan salam ke atas junjungan Nabi Muhammad s.a.w serta ahli keluarga baginda dan para sahabat. Segala puji pujian hanya bagi Allah tuhan semesta alam. Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah.

Sujud syukur aku pada Allah dengan air mata yang laju bercucuran mengalir tak henti henti. Touching sangat bila mana aku rasa Allah tu sangat dekat dengan aku, betul, Allah dengar apa yang aku mohon padaNya. Apa yang aku ceritakan padaNya ketika waktu itu, saat aku jatuh, saat aku gembira, saat aku hilang hala tuju, saat aku terlalu memikirkan masalah, saat aku dilemparkan kata kata yang menyengat telinga mendengarnya. Tiada siapa disisi ketika itu, tapi Allah ada di situ. Ya, Dia ada di situ. Aku je yang tak sedar akan kehadiranNya. Maha suci Allah, aku memohon keampunan dariMu kerana aku banyak menzalimi diriku sendiri, sedang Engkau tidak pernah abaikan aku. Atas kejayaan yang aku perolehi atas kehendakMu ini, aku panjatkan kesyukuran kerana memakbulkan permintaan ini, meskipun aku sedar aku bukanlah seorang hambaMu yang taat dan patuh akan perintahMu. Ampuni aku Ya Allah. Jadikan aku hambaMu yang bertaqwa. Ameen Ya Allah.

Semalam, 26 July, result final exam haritu keluar. Seriously aku macam tak percaya apa yang aku dapat, bukan nak buat buat terkejut ke ape, tapi memang aku tak expect langsung aku boleh dapat result macam tu. Sebab hanya aku je yang tahu apa yang aku lalui sepanjang semester tu. Namun usaha aku bukan lah satu usaha yang sia sia. Allah pandang tu semua. Alhamdulillah.

Teringat lagi dalam memerah keringat untuk mencapai target yang aku letakkan sendiri masa tu, sangat mencabar. Nak pulak, diri ni kurang nak disiplinnya. Banyak nak sedapkan hati sendiri, lebih tepat di tambah rempah2 hasutan shaiton gemok, terkadang tewas juga aku. Awal awal sem tu, sibuk nak kerja, so ada pengalaman kerja even 2 bulan as penjual kurma. Laku jugak masa aku jual tu! Haha~ Lepas benti kerja, aku pun duk sibuk dengan program program kerohanian, boleh kata nearly every weekend aku attend program. Kalau tak dekat Kachi, aku attend kat dalam campus. Pernah jugak attend program kat Kulim bertolak kul 7 malam, balik UUM pukul 3 pagi, semata mata nak dengar ceramah Ustaz Azhar Idrus. Pernah sekali pergi sampai ke USM tuk program Solidariti Aman Palestin, semalaman aku kat sana. Dunia yang begitu sibuk. Sampai kadang kadang aku fikir, betul ke tindakan aku ni, adakah aku utamakan ape yang penting aku datang sini? 

Sampailah satu ketika, perkara yang melibatkan study aku. Masa tu kuar result midterm. Nah! Teruk! Boleh cakap 10% je student yang lulus dalam class tu. Aku and Qeen tak termasuk 10% insan yang bernasib baik tu. Aku happy for Yaya sebab dia je yang lulus antara geng geng happy senior ni. Soalan yang memang susah gile ke kitorang yang kurang bijak nak tembak 40 soalan objektif tu? Sampai harini aku tak dapat jawapan yang tepat. Sebab every year tuk subjek ni kalau orang dapat result cam ni memang perkara biasa. Kalau ramai yang lulus, ok itu perkara luar biasa! Boley kata almost every Ive been crying thinking of many things, am I be able to pass this paper? God! Like, aku still ngadap buku2, yet member aku yang lain dah start sibuk cari duit, plan nak beli kete, nak beli rumah. Namun Allah itu sifatnya pengasih dan penyayang. Mama, Walid, Anjah (nama manja tunang den! haha), Abang Mie, Kak Hani owes ada tuk bagi aku semangat. They were there whenever I needed them, seriously! Take a look at this!

                 

         

Ada skali tu Abang Mie, Kak Hani and anak anak diorang datang jenguk aku kat hutan Sintok semata mata nak bagi semangat. Even masa diorang datang tu macam sekadar nak ''jalan-jalan'' tapi, aku tahu, diorang lebih nak support aku so that aku tak down. Hakikatnya aku memang down sangat saat tu, sampai aku rasa kekok, tak pandai nak berkomunikasi dengan diorang masa tu. Abang and akak memang banyak bagi sokongan, untuk pengorbanan kalian, adik berterima kasih sangat. Nasib baik adik score paper ni, kalau tak abes lah adik kene bayor balik duit minyak kete datang Sintok, nasi ayam Jitra, and tidbits yang abang and akak blanje haritu! Haha~ Buat insan insan ini,  hanya Allah yang dapat membalas jasa kalian.

Untuk kawan baik aku time tu, Qeen n Yaya, tahniah tuk korang sebab dapat result yang baik!! Alhamdulillah, terbayar jugak semua perih yang kite lalui sepanjang tempoh tu. Anyway I rindu sangat kat you all. Even kenal tak lama, banyak sangat kenangan yang I sendiri tak leh lupa. Masing masing dengan perangai masing2, memang tak bley bla! Qeen, I rindu nak wrestling dgn U, nak rebut 'sofa 3' kat study room tu! Haha~ Yaya, I rindu nak dengar teori2 yang U reka sendiri, walaupun kebanyakkannya salah!! Adui! Haha~ Rindu nak jogging dengan korang, rindu nak makan makanan yang konon2nya tak menggemokkan! Rindu nak makan kat MISC, rindu nak gi Changlun sama sama. Walaupun ada aktiviti yang kite plan tak terbuat cam nak gi Perlis jalan2 kononnya, nak gi midnite movee, nak main go-cart.. Tapi kenangan yang dah ada ni pun cukup buat I senyum sorang2 bila ingat balik. Thank you for being a good friend. And what u guys should know, I sayang you both sangat sangat! Jangan lupakan I taw! :)

Ingat lagi tak time ni? Hehe~

Apepun I tetap tak leh lupa time kite buat assignment 24jam tuh!!

''Ehh sakit hati betullahh!!''

Hahahha~

*Seriously tak sabar nak convo!*

Nota kaki : 

''Lantas nikmat Allah manakah yang mahu kau dustakan?"

Alhamdulillah, Syukurku panjatkan buatMu Ya Allah.

#063 Some place that need forgiveness

Buat kamu,

Seandainya perkenalan yang singkat ini ada yang tidak menyenangkan hatimu, aku minta maaf.

Perlu untuk kamu mengetahui bahawa aku cuba menjadi yang terbaik buatmu dari hari ke hari.

Jauh dari sudut hati yang kecil ini, ingin aku sentiasa membuatmu gembira, setiap masa. Detik dan saat.

Walaupun kita belum pernah bersua muka walaupun sekali. Tidak pernah.

Cuba untuk aku memahami dirimu, kesukaanmu dan kebencianmu.

Aku gembira seandainya kamu senang dengan sikapku, namun seandainya wujud sikapku yang kurang menyenagkanmu, aku dihului dengan kemaafan. 

Aku akui aku telah menyakitimu. Seharusnya aku menjaga perasaanmu. Mungkin kadang kala dalam keseronokan berkawan dengan teman teman, aku terlupa bahawa aku sudah bertukar status. Membuatkan kamu rasa tidak dihormati dan tercabar dengan sikapku. Aku tidak menyalahkan perasaanmu itu, kamu berhak berperasaan begitu kerana jika aku berada di tempatmu, aku juga akan rasa apa yang kamu rasakan. Mungkin lebih dari itu. Maafkan aku, tunangku. Maafkan aku.

Sedaya nya aku untuk membetulkan kesilapanku, agar perkara ini tidak berulang lagi.

Janganlah pula kamu membenci aku. Janganlah dek kerana kesilapanku yang kecil itu, mengaburi pandanganmu akan harapan, impian dan cita cita yang kita harapkan dalam membina sebuah keluarga sakinah kelak.

Aku sedayanya berubah untuk menjadi yang terbaik buatmu. Hanya kamu. 

Ku harap, perkenalan kita melalui alam maya ini sedikit sebanyak dapatlah kiranya kita mengenal hati budi masing masing. Biarpun aku tahu, ini tidak dapat banyak membantu untuk kita kenal siapa diri antara kita yang sebenar. Namun aku yakin, kamu adalah yang terbaik buatku, kamu mampu menjadi lebih dari itu.

Berbesar rasa hati ini, Allah menghadiahkan kamu buatku, sebagai pelengkap hidupku. Alhamdulillah.
Ya Allah lembutkan hatinya sebagaimana Engkau lembutkan Daud akan besi.

Aku sayang kamu. 

Suara dengarkanlah aku,

Apa khabarnya pujaan hatiku,

Aku di sini menunggunya

Masih berharap di dalam hatinya~